LIKE IT or not, everyone in a relationship isn’t always on the same page about their level of commitment, their desires for the future, or their comfort with intimacy.
Situationships is a new buzzword to describe the phenomenon, and you can find it everywhere, from TikTok to Taylor Swift’s new album Midnights.
What is a situationship on TikTok?
A situationship is a relationship without a title or proper structure of expectations by both parties.
The term ‘talking’ entered the collective dating terminology a few years ago, meaning that two people are feeling each other out and getting to know each other without the pressure of titles.
A situationship is like being stuck in the talking phase when you or your partner wants a committed relationship.
Oftentimes, situationships lead to heartache from one side or the other, as one side is generally more attached.
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Situationships aren’t to be confused with casual sex, though.
The difference lies in the expectations set between the people in the relationship.
If it’s made clear by both sides that sex is the only thing that both parties want, then that’s not a situationship.
A situationship is built on the false expectation by one member of the relationship that it’s going further than the other person is willing to commit to.
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What are some signs you might be in a situationship?
According to a TikTok video by therapist Kelly Armatage, a situationship generally begins with two types of people.
The first type of person in the situationship is generally:
- Afraid of commitment
- Not ready to be serious
- Addicted to validation
- Entitled
- Has low self-esteem
This person values hanging out, having casual sex, and keeping things commitment-free, versus entering into a serious commitment.
Armatage explains that having a “hot and cold” dynamic with someone is easier and also more exciting to this person.
“This person loves that they’re getting hits of attention and love and focus.” sometimes from multiple people at one time, she explains.
On the other hand, the second person is generally:
- Dealing with past trauma
- Has abandonment issues
- Codependent
- Afraid of being alone
- Obsessed with future outcomes
- Has low self-esteem
Armatage explains that it’s incredibly dangerous to be obsessed with future outcomes that are codependent in nature to validate yourself.
She also explains how the fear of being alone keeps many people in situationships when what they want is a relationship.
Are situationships always negative?
According to the BBC, Gen Z is the leading age bracket for situationships.
However, that’s not necessarily because of the reasons that Armatage listed above.
It turns out that the pragmatic Gen Zs are thinking of relationships in a different mindset than those of older generations.
Instead of obsessing over future outcomes or worrying about wasting their time with someone who isn’t their forever mate, Gen Z is more likely to shrug off the idea of timelines and rigid relationship rules.
They care more about experiences than about the timelines set for them by society.
Armatage herself even says that as long as the situationship is between two consenting individuals who know what they’re getting into, it can be a perfectly healthy dynamic.